I left Laurel Montana two weeks ago
knowing one thing, things were going to change. I didn't know how they were
going to change, what exactly would change or even really why they would end up
changing, but I knew they would change. Since then I have come to know so much
more then just things are going to change. I've learned so much about this
world that I thought I had figured out and really had absolutely no clue. I've
pushed my own fears and discomforts to levels I didn't ever think possible.
Things i have thought about and pondered for many years now all of a sudden
have come to light when I least expected them to. And I was forced to not only
name them but face them. One of the biggest things I named in the last two
weeks was my natural tendency of running from things. No, not the physical act
of running, cause we all know I can't do that very well. But the figurative
emotional cross country trek i've been at my entire life. I've always known
that my natural reaction to things that took me out of my comfort zone was to
run, but I never realized to what extent and how hard I've truly been running
for so long.
The good news is, I'm not running
anymore. YAGM has been the first step in stopping my trek, and turning around
to face all the things chasing me. And being a part of this program allowed me
to step back and really look at my life before I was even sent abroad. So what
exactly are those things I've been running from you may ask? For starters, what
is my purpose here in this world? Rather then simply being content to exist,
I'm going to keep exploring and searching until I truly find my calling. Now
that may sound irresponsible, and heck maybe it is, but i'd rather being
wandering chasing a purpose then going through the motions of a life I hate
everyday. Secondly, living for me and God. I have spent my entire life putting
unfair expectations on myself. And by placing those expectation on myself it
has lead others to in tail do the same. Its time for me to live for what brings
me to life inside and where God is calling me too, regardless of how it may be
viewed by those around me. Thirdly, that ministry and God are going to be a
part of my life. I've spent the last 8 years or so trying to live a double life.
A "christian" one, and a secular one. Let me tell ya, it's absolutely
exhausting. I've learned that I can be a man of faith and not be perfect. I am,
and always will be a sinner. The best part about it, I'm already forgiven. And
lastly, that life is something worth sharing. It's not intended to be hoarded
or lived in exile. Humans were created for community and to be together with
each other and all of creation. So, to all those people i've told I will be
single and alone for my entire life………lets just say I may be eating those words
someday. Cause lets be honest, I love people.
So here's to new wanderings, and scary
new directions that are exciting in a whole new way. Ready, set, GO!
Peace
*written September 1st, 2013
No comments:
Post a Comment