It's nights like tonight that a person
begins to understand just how profound of a relationship it is that we live in
on a daily basis, whether we are aware of it or not. It's an overwhelmingly
simple, yet complex array of emotions that most of us only occasionally can
find the depth to truly grasp and hold onto if even only for a split second.
I was sitting in the living room this
evening reading the Daily Sun, a South African newspaper regularly available in
our home, and became ever more distraught the more articles I read. The amount
of hatred, anger, and ugliness in some of the people in this world was more
then I could handle. My reading even lead me to scribble an angry new entry
into my journal. But as I smashed my pen into the poor pages of my journal I
stopped myself, and as good mentors have taught me, allowed myself to turn to
wonder rather then anger. It was then that I understood it was utter sadness
that was overflowing from inside me, not anger. I let myself linger in the
feeling for awhile, hoping to maybe better understand where it was truly coming
from. The events that came to follow are those only read in books, or seen in
movies.
As I closed my journal and re-secured the
leash to it's cover, my feet started to carry me somewhere. I wasn't entirely
sure where or why, but regardless I was on the move. I reached across my bed
and grabbed my hoody that had been laying there, placing it over my head as I
exited the house out the backdoor. I placed my hands into it's front pocket to
find my iPod. For no apparent reason at all I pushed the earbuds into my ears
and scrolled through the artists to a familiar friend I had gone to so many
times before and quietly wandered around behind the house. I wasn't more then
20 meters from the house when I begin to realize why I had come outside and I
sat down. I lay flat on the ground with my eyes lost and entranced to the
evening sky. I watched in complete ah as the last remaining thoughts of
daylight slowly gave way to the growing darkness of the night sky and the stars
begin to glisten in victory for possession of the stage. As I listened and watched
it began to feel as if gravity itself had been suspended for the time being and
the milky way itself begin to dance and roll like gentle waves crashing against
a white sandy beach. I felt a cool river flowing across my cheek as myself and
creation became lost in each other and became one again. The beauty,
simplicity, and total nothingness, yet completeness of the situation wrapping
me in it's blanket of peace.
For the next hour or two, I'm not even
sure to be honest, myself and Bon Iver laid out under the stars together and
basked in the beautiful glory that we had been so graciously gifted with and
the sadness that had once cloaked my soul was nowhere to be found.
Peace
*written October 22nd
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